Have you ever felt like all your friends seem super confident and you’re just trying to blend?
You’re not alone, we all feel that way sometimes.
But did you know that confidence is not only about how you feel inside yourself but also how others perceive you?
Sometimes, the way we behave create the impression that we are not confident.
1. What is confidence?
2. What are the signs of lack of confidence?
3. How do you differentiate a person with confidence from a person with lack of confidence?
What is confidence
Confidence is a positive emotion of trust and feeling secure in yourself and your abilities. Confidence is not about feeling superior to others, rather, it’s a quiet inner knowledge that you are capable.
However, a person may have confidence and still act in ways that could make them seem less confident.
Don’t worry though – knowing what these things are is the first step to changing them.
What are the signs of lack of confidence
1. You Apologize All The Time
In some parts of the world where parents have over-bearing influence over their children because of their cultural beliefs, children approach their parents in every situation that requires communication with an apology.
Well, to them it’s more like the easiest, other than that, saying sorry all the time, even when it’s not needed, can make you come across as less confident.
It might seem like you’re always feeling guilty or like you’re doing something wrong.
For instance, if you apologize every time you share your opinion or ask a question, it can give the impression that you’re not sure of yourself.
Well, it’s okay to apologize when you’ve made a mistake or wrong.
But if however, you’ve done nothing wrong, there’s no need to say sorry.
Standing your ground and knowing when to apologize and when not to is a key sign of confidence.
2. People who lack Confidence Constantly Avoid Eye Contact.
Whatever feeling or emotion is called for, your eyes actually send the message, people trust the message your eyes are sending than the words you say.
Our eyes can say a lot about us, and when we avoid eye contact, it often means we’re feeling unsure or nervous
When you’re talking to someone and you constantly look away or look down, it might seem like you’re not confident in what you’re saying.
The use of eye contact make the person listening to you tie right in with you while you speak.
Eye contact is important because it shows that you’re engaged in the conversation and that you’re listening to the other person.
It also shows that you’re comfortable with who you are and what you’re saying.
So the next time you’re in a conversation, try to maintain good eye contact.
This doesn’t mean staring without blinking, but rather keeping your gaze steady while still looking away naturally every now and then.
3. You’re Speaking Too Fast
Talking too fast can give the impression that you’re nervous or unsure of yourself.
It’s like your words are trying to keep up with your racing thoughts, and it can make it hard for people to follow what you’re saying.
This is a common phenomenon that happens to all of us including myself when I first started public speaking, I’d get so nervous that my words would just tumble out in a rush.
I’d finish a 10-minute speech in 5 minutes, leaving my audience confused than excited.
Over time, I learned that it’s okay to slow down, take a breath, and speak at a natural pace.
Not only did it make me seem more confident, but it also made my words more impactful.
4. You Second-Guess Yourself
Confident people trust their instincts and decisions. If you’re always second guessing yourself, it can give the impression that you’re not very confident.
This doesn’t mean that confident people never have doubts, but they don’t let these doubts control their actions or decisions.
Second-guessing yourself can actually make your performance worse.
When we doubt our abilities, we tend to make more mistakes and are less creative.
So the next time you catch yourself second-guessing, take a step back and remind yourself of your abilities and past successes.
Trust your instincts and make a decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, it’s all part of the learning process.
5. Those Without Confidence are People Pleasers
Being a people pleaser isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it shows that you’re considerate and care about others’ feelings.
However, if you’re constantly violating your rules and bending backwards to make others happy at the expense of your own needs and desires, it can come across as a lack of confidence.
It’s almost like you’re saying your needs don’t matter as much, or you’re scared of expressing what you really want and desire.
This can lead to feeling unfulfilled and even resentful in the long run.
It’s important to remember that your feelings and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being selfish or rude – it simply means respecting and valuing yourself. It’s okay to say no sometimes, and it’s okay to put yourself first.
This doesn’t mean you care any less about others, it just means you’re also caring for yourself – and that’s a sign of true confidence.
6. It’s Hard for You To Accept Compliments Gracefully
This is something most people actually struggled with.
Whenever someone would compliment you, Y’d brush it off or downplay it. Instead of a simple “thank you”, Y’d say something like “Oh, it’s nothing” or “I’m not that good”.
I myself, it took me a while to realize that not accepting compliments gracefully was actually a sign of low confidence.
Down playing compliments is like saying to people that their positive opinion of you was wrong or that you didn’t deserve the praise.
Learn to accept compliments graciously. When someone compliments you, just smile and say “thank you”
So remember, the next time someone gives you a compliment, don’t brush it off – accept it with grace and gratitude.
7. You’re Always Comparing Yourself to Others
We all fall into the comparison trap sometimes. We see someone with a better job, a nicer car, a more “perfect” family, and we start to feel like we don’t measure up.
But here’s the raw truth: comparing ourselves to others is a one-way ticket to feeling inadequate and less confident.
No matter how successful or happy someone else may seem, remember that everyone has their own struggles and insecurities. They’re just not always visible.
I used to admire a particular family so much in the past. At some point I wished my family was like theirs, but when l learned about their struggles, it was then I took the saying! “Not all that glitters is gold” seriously. l learned to accept all I have with gratitude.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own progress and growth.
Celebrate your small wins and learn from your setbacks.
Your journey is unique to you and that’s what makes it special.
So stop looking over your shoulder and start appreciating the path in front of you!
8. You Are Afraid to Take Risks
Risk is a game of chance. Confident people aren’t afraid to take risks.
They understand that failure is a part of life and that it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all.
On the other hand, if you’re always playing it safe and avoiding any kind of risk, it can make you seem less confident.
So, don’t shy away from taking risks. Whether it’s making a bold career move, trying a new hobby, or simply speaking up in a meeting – don’t let fear of failure hold you back.
Remember, it’s through taking risks that we grow and learn the most.
9. You’re Always on the Defensive
This is the problem of most of us. I used to exhibit this behaviour a lot, especially when I was younger.
Whenever someone would disagree with me or offer constructive criticism, I’d automatically get defensive.
I’d try to justify my actions or argue, instead of taking a moment to consider their point of view.
What I didn’t realize back then was that being defensive was actually a sign of low confidence.
Doing that means you are so insecure about your ideas or actions and any form of criticism would feel like a personal attack.
Learned to be more open to feedback.
When someone disagrees with you, try to understand their perspective instead of instinctively defending yours.
If they have a valid point, acknowledge it. If not, respectfully explain your viewpoint to them, life is about perspectives.
Confident people aren’t afraid of criticism or disagreement – they see it as an opportunity for growth and learning.
10. You Avoid Taking Care of Yourself yet get resentful and jealous when you meet those who care about their looks.
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s the honest truth: if you’re not taking care of yourself, it can come across as a lack of confidence.
Whether it’s neglecting your physical health, ignoring your mental wellbeing, or just not taking time for self-care, these all send a message that you don’t value yourself enough.
Let’s be sincere; You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re always putting others first and neglecting your own needs, it’s going to take a toll on your confidence.
Don’t ignore, make self-care a priority. Eat well, exercise regularly, take breaks when you need them. Your body and mind will thank you, and so will your confidence levels.
11. Lack of confidence can make you not to speak up when it’s necessary.
Do you know that there’s something incredibly liberating about speaking your mind and standing up for what you believe in? But if you’re always silent, always holding back, it can make you seem less confident.
Sure we’ve all been in situations where we’ve bitten our tongue and later wished we’d spoken up. And the regret that comes with it can be a major blow to our self-confidence.
So when you feel like speaking up – do it! Yes, it might be scary and yes, not everyone might agree with you.
Don’t forget, your voice matters. Your opinions are valid. And speaking up is one surefire way to show yourself and the world that you’re confident in who you are and what you believe in!
3. How to differentiate a person with confidence from a person without confidence.
All we have listed above are what constitutes lack of confidence.
Now let me add a few words to show how people with confidence feel like.
1. Confident people are positive and enthusiastic.
2. They are ever ready to unlearn and relearn.
3. They seek for more knowledge, and continue training themselves and practice more.
4. They accept their body and mind (Self esteem) and believe in their abilities and skills.
Learn to believe in yourself, you are enough. It’s never too late to fix what lowers your confidence and be the best you can be.