Just what is relationship dynamics? This post will show you all you need to know about relationship dynamics.
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What is relationship dynamics? A definitive guide
When we are young, we don’t understand relationship dynamics as fully as we should.
Sometimes it takes a number of relationships before we become awaken and realize that just because we care about someone in a way that it includes it whole person, we want to know what their needs and desires are, what has shaped who they are, we have empathy, respect and see them as individuals, we don’t want to engulf them or completely rely on this person in an unhealthy way, we want to ensure that we don’t lose ourselves as individuals and become totally submerged in this relationship.
When people are in healthy relationships, they are able to see themselves as an individual, they don’t want to emesh or infuse the person and in fact they enjoy the fact that they are communicating with a person who is an individual, who might think differently.
In a healthy relationship, you are challenged and think you can do better, this is from a place of genuine compassion, authenticity, it’s a place of empathy.
If you are highly codependent, you are relying on someone else to make you feel worthy because you have a false or poor sense of self. Our perception of self is negative, we are shame-based, we don’t feel good enough, we have learned that love and affirmation are conditional, you have to do something to gain approval, you suffered emotional neglect and have learned that people pleasing and acquiescing is safe, if you are acquiescing to the needs of someone who is narcissistic, you please them and avoid the negative consequence.
What is relationship dynamics: Root core of every relationship
Codependents subjugate their needs for a toxic person, they feel unsafe and oftentimes they settle for bad boys or exciting girls because they don’t feel that they can attract someone who is truly healthy. Someone’s perception of self is really at the root core of every relationship
The narcissist also has the false self, they have learned that they also have to dominate and control people in order to feel emotionally regulated, they idealize people to mirror same back to them as the false idealization.
They idealize others because they need this to deceive them that they love them, it is a reflection on them so idealizing you is actually a mirror for the false idealization that they have for themselves, they do this for narcissistic supply.
They have this grandiose perception of self that needs to be supported. When a narcissist makes you a target, their target depends on the amount of supply they are going to get from you.
A Narcissist’s mind in a relationship
In the mind of the narcissist, there must be something very important about them if a celebrity talks to them, so they love bomb, they represent in terms of value a really narcissistic supply.
If he deems that you have a tremendous narcissistic supply of value, then you will become more of a target to them. Narcissists simply target their victims of desire.
What is relationship dynamics: Charismatic narcissists.
There are successful women who found themselves in narcissistic relationships. If a narcissist wants you, it’s almost impossible to resist because they are very romantic, they will sweep you off your feet and into their world of fantasy, you will be like omg!
This is amazing, this person is special but you don’t know that this person is idealizing you, it’s all about them getting narcissistic supply. The more value you have in society, the more prestigious you are, the more you are a huge supply to a narcissistic that is why you are going to be targeted, you are a rich source of narcissistic supply.
Narcissists see people as commodities, so you have to offer them something they will have to figure out among the women or men in their life, they must offer them the most intense narcissistic supply. This supply could be money, fame, public attention or paparazzi.
They don’t generate their own sense of self from within which healthy people do, we find value in nature, in the work that we do but narcissists can’t do that. It’s very sad, that makes them also treacherous to be around with.
Making conscious choices
The essence of this writing is to bring this to your knowledge to enable you make healthiest and most conscious choices. These people have to love bomb and idealize you as a source of narcissistic supply because without the narcissistic supply they cannot sustain themselves, they can’t survive without operating this way.
The fear of offending someone who is so volatile has programmed us to feel stuck and trauma bond and has also programmed us to seek approval of this narcissists, that’s why it’s easy for codependent to be with people who are highly narcissistic, a girl’s codependent role is often programmed by her mother and of course the society to always acquiescence, subjugate and figure out what the needs of others are.
We are taught that who we are is insignificant and that has become a baseline for all our relationships but when you begin to question yourself this way:
“But why do I say yes when I mean to say no,’ Why is it difficult to set boundaries, why do people always use me?”
When you recognize this in yourself, you begin to understand why a particular personality trait makes it more or less likely that you stay in toxic relationships.
There are people out there who don’t have issues such as codependency or suffocating from the internal fear of not knowing who they are, who will recognize someone’s love bombing as a red flag but there’s always some of us who grew up feeling invisible, who have never met a psychological mile stone of feeling seen, the need to know who you are and feel valued, we missed this milestone, mirroring a relationship. And as a child to have a sense of self, you need a healthy relationship mirrored back to you, to feel, and so we carry emotional wounds within us trying to figure out how to be good enough and end up attracting people in our experience who may see us as amazing source of narcissistic supply, someone who idolize them, look to please them, someone who is agreeable, afraid of conflicts and find it difficult to set boundaries and if you struggle with shame, a narcissist will pick up what your vulnerabilities are and will exploit with them.
Narcissists, whether grandiose or vulnerable, are highly exploitative, they view your vulnerability as a weakness and explore them. If you are not aware of relationships paradigm, you can spend years trying to figure out what is happening, and what you are battling with is cognitive dissonance, feeling that it’s your fault, you can’t keep this person happy and the narcissist under the narcissistic spell will convince you that it’s your fault because you are no longer the narcissistic supply they thought you were.
When they come back after maybe leaving, it means either, the source of supply they have is not as fulfilling and exciting as they wanted in order to feel good about themselves to avoid feeling a narcissistic injury because it has to be you.
They must re-idealized you, when you say: “But you said I wasn’t good enough, why are you calling me?” The narcissist may say; We were going through a bad time, I know you didn’t mean those things, you are a good girl, I did not hold anything against you, I am ready to forget everything, let’s forget the past and let bygone be bygone.
They do this because they want to maintain their grandiose idea of themselves. All the negative things they feed people with about you is the torture that is going on within them, is the internal torture of someone who has narcissism. It’s a cycle, a torture experience, they can’t experience love, compassion, empathy and authenticity like normal people, that’s why they hurt other people badly.
2 Timothy Chapter 3 talks about narcissism.
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