Often times people get stuck in unhealthy love patterns believing it to be true love not realizing that they are merely attached to the person and there’s really no true love between them.
What is unhealthy Love
Unhealthy Love consist of patterns of dysfunctional toxic behaviour which a person exhibit in a supposed love relationship.
It is essential to understand that people who are emotionally damaged can not offer love until they undergo a process of healing, to unlearn and relearn how to remove the emotional baggage they are carrying with them and also heal from the traumatic experience that broke them.
What makes love unhealthy
Love is unhealthy when one person wants to always control the life of the other in everything without boundaries.
There are those who are emotionally immature as a result of their upbringing. These people are people who were over indulged by their parents, and given a false sense of superiority in which they become unnecessarily overbearing, controlling, toxic and narcissistic. And others who were not listened to and given attention at their early formative years, their parents erode their confidence and self-worth through abuse and mistreatment, growing up not knowing what love feels like because they were not given love, therefore, they are unable to offer and receive love, they are unfulfilled and always finding people to love them because they feel a void of emptiness within them. They however, prey on people and never taking responsibility but wanting and forcing people to love and respect them by controlling and gaslighting them, their actions are intensely hurtful, some of these people are utterly bitter and angry and they project their anger and bitterness to the people in their lives to destroy their sense of value through emotional abuse and they violate people’ boundaries as they were not taught empathy and compassion, they are familiar with the toxic and narcissistic lifestyle they grow up in.
And the other people who were raised by parents who only find value in serving the needs of others, these people find fulfillment in helping others, they take on the codependent role where they feel validated when approved by others and often being used in all their relationships because they always compromise and don’t know how to say no to things that are unhealthy to them due to their inability to set healthy boundaries.
Well, it can be said that one way or another, or to a certain degree, we all needs healing, we have to generally heal from the conditioned pattern of the society that creates pain, trauma and other emotional sicknesses people suffers.
However, in order to stop recycling our love relationships painful experiences, we must have to start recognizing unhealthy love patterns. If loving someone else is depleting or hurting you as an individual, you have to consciously begin to pay more attention to these unhealthy love patterns, be intentional and sensitive to this to prevent yourself from being hurt many times and from abuse generally.
What are signs of unhealthy love.
- Emotional manipulation and Control
- Physical, psychological and emotional abuse.
When you love, you feel what they feel. When love has no boundary or rules it becomes toxic for you as well as for them. Love should never hurt. There is no fear in love as perfect love cast out fear but you become afraid to let go when you are attached to the person and there is no love. Partners are often competitive and flexes their ego in attachment relationship.
What are the signs of love
- Mutual respect and honouring
- Affection and vulnerability
- Empathy and authenticity
When love is involved, there is vulnerability and authenticity, you are yourself, compassionate, empathetic and forgiving. Love survives the passage of time. People always have a place in their hearts for those that they love even when they are no longer together and always wish them well. Love is freedom, but the party who is not in love becomes controlling but remain acting under the pretence of love unleashing control. Love should not involve torment, but many are tormented because of love, many are under depression due to the love they have for their children, lovers and others because it is an unhealthy love, not developed, mature and based on God or principles because the driving force of love is empathy, if I say I love you, I feel whatever you are going through that is a natural way of love and now the onus is on me to know what to do with the feelings of love I have for you.