Healing from Abusive relationship: What to do


Abuse does not only occurs in man and wife relationships or partners, there is also child abuse which is often inflicted on children by adults.


What is an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationship is an unhealthy relationship which involves different types of abusive behaviour and coercion by one person, in order to gain power and exert control over the other. Abuse in a relationship could be psychological, physical, emotional, financial, verbal and sexual.

Characteristics of an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships are often characterized by Domestic violence, threats, intimidation, humiliation and isolation.

Generally, abusive relationship are often toxic and involves violence. One or both partners are usually controlling, one partner wanting to control and dominate the other, the controlling partner tend to command and orders the other around, chose their friends for them and restrict their movements. They tend to be jealous and obsessed with them.

The abusive partner has dysfunctional behaviour, always in the habit of criticizing, shaming and blaming the other. They are never pleased, they tend to put down the other partner with the kind of words they say.

They demand for sex all the time and forcing their partner to accept unhealthy sexual habits, seeking constant attention which deprives the other person the time to take care of his or her own needs.

This also includes, when one partner gives the other silent treatment or threatens to end the relationship until he gets what he wants, withholding sex, intentionally starting argument and causing drama to provoke the other, raging and gaslighting the other person.


How to know if you are in abusive relationship

If you feel fearful and afraid for your life, you may be in abusive relationship.

Do you feel undeserving and blaming yourself for unfilled expectations? You may be in abusive relationship.

Do you feel isolated and world wary, are you doing everything possible to please a person but their reaction leaves you feeling confused and frustrated?

Are you feeling drained, sad and exhausted in the relationship yet the thought of leaving terrifies you?

Verbal abuse -Does your partner or parents name call and yell at you, make threats, belittle and blame you?

Physical abuse- Are you being hit with  objects, punched or kicked, choked or strangulated?

Sexual abuse- Are you being raped, shaming with demeaning sexual remarks, incest?

What to do to heal from Abusive relationship

1. Leave the abusive situation. Leaving gives you the opportunity to claim your power back. You can remain a victim or choose not to, the choice is yours.

2. Reframe from making anyone wrong and don’t beat yourself up or anyone else because in every unpleasant situation, there is an opportunity for growth. Then you have got to ask yourself why you attracted that person in the first place, what are you to learn from that experience? Allow everyone to grow and evolve, learn the lesson and move on.

3. Think of anything that you are dealing with in your life at the moment, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and accept the situation, be compassionate and loving to yourself, feel whatever comes through and let it go. Forgive and make a commitment to yourself never to disappoint yourself and put yourself in such a mess again.

Cease from carrying the sorry forward in disempowering way.

Abusive relationships can be challenging and quite difficult to manage or sustained, they always leave the parties with a shroud of hate even after separation, it is important to stay away from such relationships as quickly as possible to safeguard your mental health, they are dysfunctional and often take a toll not only on your mental health but also emotional, physical and psychological health. These kinds of relationships are unpredictable, death could easily occur given it prevalence to violence, moving away and healing is essential for whoever find his or herself in such a situation.






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