Category: Personal Development

 

1. Life without a Vision and purpose

2. What is needed to find your vision and purpose

3. Tips for finding vision and purpose.

Life without a vision and purpose

There is no human without a purpose in life. We are all given assignments to solve in this life but when we haven’t found that mission, we mierda, procrastinate, and engaging in fruitless ventures.

Finding your purpose early in life helps you go through life efficiently, better and more fulfilling.

When I recall the times I was still trying to figure out what my life purpose could be, l felt quite uneasy, lazy and incredibly disgruntled. This often happens generally to people who are yet to find their mission. You will go to work, come back and watch television for the rest of the time. You are sure to develop a few bad habits that will reflect a lack of purpose.

What is needed to find your vision and purpose.

Deep reflection. Avoid mindlessly scrolling through social networks for a whole day. It is actually easy to get lost in the endless scroll, checking updates of others.

Although, we understand that we can learn certain things on social media but spending excessive time on social media indicate a lack of direction. Watching others who have found what they can do with their lives and feeling excited about it without you seeking to know that which you can bring out to excite others and make yourself happy. Instead of immersing yourself on social networks you should consider pursuing what makes you happy, find your hobbies and connect with real-life friends elsewhere or travel and explore new opportunities.

Avoid procrastination, don’t put important tasks on hold. We all procrastinate sometimes, it is just a non productive habit that often time we allow to overwhelm us when we are lacking motivation and clear goals. But we can resolve this issue of procrastination to avoid setting aside what is important to us by simply breaking them into smaller and manageable steps, this will however, reduce the workload and make it seem less daunting to help us stay focus on achieving your goals. For example if you intend to start something on social media, first think of the content, understanding that your presence on any platform requires personal input, instead of opening a Facebook page or YouTube channel, break things down into small tasks, such as: write a script outline, find the locations, film, choose background music, edict the introduction and so on.

This is one of the ways you can trick your subconscious mind into doing these relatively easy tasks instead of holding it in your mind that there is so much to be done.

Putting aside your passions and interests- The most important things your should never neglect are the things you are genuinely passionate about and your family. Neglecting these two aspects of your life will make you feel empty and dissatisfied.

Instead of setting aside your passions, make out time to pursue them. Engaging in activities you love can ignite joy, happiness and purpose in your life. Merely thinking about the things you are passionate about can always help you survive the day especially if you are in a place you don’t like or doing a job you don’t love.

Failure to confront challenges we perceive as difficult- Remaining in your comfort zone and not wanting to try can be a natural anxiety of fear of the unknown. Everyone wants to be in a familiar situation and in control. However, this resistance to challenge the fear comes at the cost of personal and professional development.

When you resist challenges, you miss out on valuable opportunities for learning and growth, development often takes place when you push your boundaries, tackle new problems and navigate unfamiliar territories.

Each successful encounter with a challenge builds confidence and contribute to a more robust sense of self.

Complaining constantly without taking action – When we are in one place and always complaining without the desire to do something new we tend to create a cycle of negativity and stagnation. It’s common with us when things are not moving for us we start feeling frustrated but instead of us to address the underlying cause of our lack of growth, we stay stuck and complain.

Don’t only express your discontent, consider shifting your focus towards problem-solving, start by identifying the root causes of your concerns.

Staying glued to watching programs- We do this on a daily basis yet it can also hold us back even after we have found our life purpose. We understand that we are not complete without watching certain programs that put smiles on our faces but excessive binge-watching indicates a lack of balance, it’s important to incorporate activities that contribute to personal growth.

Paying too much attention to short term pleasures instead of focusing also on long term goals- How often do we consume much food that we find enjoyable even as we know they are not healthy for us? Sure we find them delicious but in the long run, we might regret not going for the healthy alternative.

Immediate gratification is tempting but prioritizing long-term goals leads to a more fulfilling life. Pursuing long-term goals is like investing in your future happiness.

Surrounding yourself with negative influences-  The people you spend most of your time with can significantly create an impact in your life either influencing you positively or negatively.

Connect with people who bring good vibes, uplift and inspire.

Not valuing our relationships and avoiding social interactions- Sometimes we prefer to be on our own when we feel that the lifestyles of the people around us don’t resonate with ours, some of us particularly myself feels it easy and it saves me trouble to stay away from social gatherings. However, building healthy connections might take some effort, it’s investing in happiness.

Tips for finding vision and purpose

Seek to find what truly matters to you. What activities that whenever you indulge in make you lose track of time and bring you a sense of fulfillment…

Think about what you are passionate about, consider your values and strengths.

Reflect on both positive and challenging experiences in your life, as they often give you clues about what deeply resonates with you.

Take note of situations and gatherings that tends to make you expressive and happy. Although finding your purpose is not something that only happens in a day, it comes with a continuous process of exploration and adaptation.

Be open to change, learn from your experiences and stay true to what feels authentic and meaningful to you and stay focused.

 

 

Man feel from a state of grace and oneness to illusions after realising the truth about his own nature and trying to unconsciously live in denial about who he truly is and was taken over by powerful instinctual drives and revert back to total unconsciousness.

The mind of man from the beginning of time is polluted with negativity. The Bible says, God regretted to have created man after he realised how filthy and negative the thoughts of man were.

This negativity created impermenance, limitation and death, and only in these symbols we perceive as the illusory creation of the mind, the splendour of our essential and immortal reality is concealed.

The ego dwell in illusions. It lives in denial and avoid the truth. It cannot access the body to seek truth. And the truth can only be found within the body. The body is the misperception of your essential reality that is beyond birth and death and is due to the limitations of the mind, which having lost touch with being, creator and it true self creates the body as evidence of its illusory belief in separation and to justify its state of fear. Do not deny yourself access to your own body because fighting against your body is rebelling against your reality and your truth. The physical body you see touch and feel is only a thin illusory veil, underneath it lies the invisible inner body, the doorway into the absolute creator, into life yet to manifest through the inner body. Through the inner body you are forever one with God. A state of permanent connectedness with your inner body is oneness with the Creator.

The more Consciousness you direct into the inner body, the higher its vibrational frequency. At this higher energy level, negativity cannot affect you anymore and you become a magnet of attraction to new circumstances that reflect this higher frequency.

The conditioning of your mind will dictate your thinking and your behaviour. Your conditioned reaction is automatic and predictable and it is fuelled by the one basic emotion that underlines the ego identified state of awareness which is fear. Fear is a conditioned mental/emotional reaction that can arise at any point in time and take you over, the ego is also fear base. It’s important to pay attention to the emotion you feel in your body as we seek to transform ourselves. Fear with other emotions of similar frequency that have joined together can give rise to pain in your body and can create trauma that can live inside you for years and continue to feed on your energy and lead to physical illness that can make your life miserable.

It’s essential to check and ensure that your mind is not holding onto a grievance pattern such as blame, self-pity or resentment that is feeding the emotion, when your mind refuse to accept forgiveness and non acceptance or letting go. The mind’s refusal to accept what is, accept uncertainty than holding on to unforgiveness, forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life. Even though holding a grievance serves no purpose except to strengthen a false sense of self, the ego mind cannot accept it. The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind. Non-forgiveness is the nature of the mind because the ego can not survive without strife, conflict and drama. Remember that the ego needs problems, conflicts and enemies to strengthen the sense of separateness on which its identity depends.

The true identity of the human ego mind is in its ability to engage in argument, control, manipulate, possess the whole world as nothing is ever enough, hate, fight, unleash violence, compete, judge, blame, condemn, attack, exercise power, greed, defend, rigid and aggressiveness. It perceive itself as separate fragment in the toxic world with no real connection to the creator and it’s surrounded by other egos around which it either sees as a potential threat or which it will attempt to use for its own ends. Ego patterns are designed to combat it own deep seated fear and sense of lack.

The only way to become the true servant of the creator and embrace your authentic self is to disidentify with socially conditioned pattern of thought and behaviour, this will help you to go beyond the ego mind, what that means is to surrender, become non-judgemental, open-minded, allowing things to unfold and accept whatever comes, trusting in the best to come than resisting, hold all things in loving embrace of your knowing.

All the suffering we undergo in this world is ego created because of resistance. Although the strategies of the ego are extremely clever, yet they never truly solve any problems for the ego because the ego itself is the problem.

 

 

What is unhealthy reactivity

Unhealthy reactivity is the ability of a person to handle or offer a healthy response to a matter or a situation that requires a subtle approach. We understand that people react differently and in different situations. We are social beings who enjoys relationships, partake in our interests and express our emotions.

We all love tranquility and equinimity. We relish situations where we are approached with a sense of calmness and subtle form of reaction even in extreme difficult circumstances.

Unfortunately, there are people whose  reaction to every situation is completely damaging to the wellbeing of others around them including themselves.

Although this intense negative and aggressive reaction to issues could result in most cases childhood trauma from abuse. Those who suffers childhood abuse and also people raised in unhealthy or dysfunctional environment, due to the pain they suffer can become erratic in their behaviour. People suffering addiction as a result of frustration and unfulfillment or unmet needs tend to adopt unhealthy reactivity as a coping strategy to suit their emotional needs, which however add another layer of problem to their existing negative emotional issues.

Causes of negative reactivity

Negative reactivity could be as a result of our extreme identification with the mental mind. Emotion is the body’s reaction to your mind. There is the false mind which is the ego mind, and the true mind which is your authentic self. The false mind identifies strongly and connects deeply with the “ego” while the true mind identifies with the “heart” What message does the ego mind send to the body?… Danger. For example, “I am under threat”. And what is the emotion?… Fear!  Remember that there are different types of fear, there is fear of loss, failure, fear of being hurt etc. All fear is the ego’s fear of death, annihilation, to the ego, death is just around the corner. When you identify intensely with your ego mind, fear of death affects every area of your life. If you identify with a mental position,  mind-based sense of self is seriously threatened with annihilation, to be wrong is to die if you easily identify with the ego. Embracing the ego mind is to toughen up to fight all threatening situations because the ego mind dwell in fear leading to all forms of unhealthy reactions to defend and protect it fragile fearful identity. The negative reactivity result from threat and fear of a lose, which can be lose of anything. The ego mind is forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious, it needs to be right. It is an illusory identity, an image in your mind, a fictious entity. By making this pattern conscious you disidentify from them.

 

How to overcome unhealthy reactivity

Tunning in to your authentic self would give you the opportunity to react with equinimity instead of reacting in an unhealthy manner. The true self is not protective of anything, it sees itself as whole and complete. It’s never in competition with anyone, it is fully grounded with a high sense of worth and always allowing things to happen naturally. When you are yourself, you are not afraid and don’t live in fear of anything or defending things that are not worthy in order to protect yourself against vulnerability or prove yourself to others. It is okay to be vulnerable, it is okay to allow things to happen and okay to release resistance and allow the flow of things and events to unfold. If you result to living this way, no unhealthy emotion can control you.

If you train yourself to live and show up in this true version of yourself, you naturally become calm and able to deal with unhealthy reaction and that help to build trust.

Well, people often defend this unhealthy reactivity with claims of people are different and so perceive this form of negative reactivity as normal. However, people who react in this manner actually need help, the fact that some people tend to defend it does not make it in any way healthy and acceptable, insofar as no one enjoys it even the perpetrators who exhibit this irrational approach of responding to people are totally against it, in fact they are even the first to aggressively attack people who approaches them in such matter.

 

 

 

 

A change in perspective in one aspect can influence change in other areas of life, the reason it is important to give consideration to others opinions and view things from the lens in which they understand life.

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Change your focus about certain emotional torture.

They are things and people that enter into our lives and force change, this change could be positive and it can also be a terrible negative change, they come into our space do things that tend to change us completely and sometimes we barely recognise ourselves when acting in such situations.

However, the experience sometimes can be pleasant and other times disheartening. We may suffer excruciating pain from the actions of these people leaving us with very painful experiences that we wish we could change and sometimes cause us to indulge in unproductive ventures, imbibe bad habits and destructive patterns and behaviour.

Most people carry on this way for the rest of their lives not realising that they can find peace within them if they dare to accept the reality of the situation and change how they view it and relate with the experience. We understand that it’s something you never wanted to be associated with and it can be really devastating, it can cause you to be ashamed of yourself and drag down your self-worth leaving you agonising for months, you may feel either being taken advantage of, violated, betrayed and disgusted but the best you can do to yourself is first forgive yourself, forgive the situation and change how you see it for your own happiness. Though it may seem difficult but if you change your focus you can do it, it becomes easy.

Focus on the good and release negativity in any situation

If we learn to view anything that we come across as a result of either a good or bad choice from ourselves or others the better we are able to deal and cope with life situations. If we understand cause and effect we would realise that things don’t just happen, all experiences are as a result of our present or past choices because our thoughts and actions are always creating scenarios and outcomes that we experience now or in time to come.

Life is all about experiences and this would continue until we exit this space therefore to keep our peace, we have to find a new way of dealing and relating with life encounters. It is imperative to start treating life events like leave notes where you flip sheet, this will help you begin to see life as a dream that it really is on a deeper level, in order to take it less serious because that is what it actually requires, to go with the flow to maintain your mental health.

Focus on what inspires you and make you happy and release all negativity and judgement of yourself and others.

 

Transfer problems and sad experience into objects and dispose them.

Transfer problems and sad feelings into objects and throw them away in the river or ocean as a sign of release. There is a growing sense of peace inside if you can transmute any traumatizing situation before you and change the way you perceive things and rather find the good that is related to it and embrace it.

Situations are always neutral and often a consequence resulting from a past action or choice. Our response to any circumstance either grow and extend it or crumble and diminish it. If there is this shift in focus, you would feel the courage and certainty that you can handle anything, this is actually a spiritual certainty and you can make it a reality in your life because we are created to handle any and every situation that cross around our paths.

If you stop living in denial and be honest and real and also relinquish all destructive patterns of behaviour and take responsibility for what you have participated in creating, you can honour and celebrate yourself for shifting those patterns, be honest with other people about your life, you don’t have to hide who you are and what you have been through, you can tell others your truth without fear because you realise that others opinions of you doesn’t defined who you are. Stand in that powerful humble place and show the world who you are. Some people spent years engaging in self-destructive patterns, loving for love sake because they felt there was no possible way to ignore certain things that aren’t serving them. Respect yourself enough to cause someone to treat you with dignity, some hid behind the belief that they had to give all that they had to buy love and soon after the relationship bagan to fizzle, they felt angry, hurt, rejected and stupid and the worst of it all, they felt abandoned. They felt their sense of dignity being restored after embracing the goodness that can emerge from even the toughest situation after changing their perspectives, this can open you up to a completely different loving situation, your life takes on in a larger dimension, we can direct our lives the way we want. We don’t have to lie to anyone, it is important to face the reality no matter how unpleasant it can be. True honesty includes compassion, people are afraid of being judged, it helps to accept, acknowledge and own the patterns and find a way to shift, honour and celebrate yourself for realising. The results of our past action may be staring us in the face and we would be forced to deal it, perhaps your need for validation caused you to lower your standards hoping it will be your ticket for loved. You could have hid behind the believe that you could change people or inspire them to clean up the mess but realised it wasn’t the ideal situation and became ridden with guilt and shame, you couldn’t show up with unbridle love and enthusiasm. This realization has the capacity to show you a different loving perspective.

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Toxic energy is something that is highly draining and unhealthy to settle for. To avoid being consistently drained and feeling out of balance with lack of energy, it is important to clear your space of toxicity and this includes anything that is toxic to one’s life be it people, environment or place and activities.

Why it’s not advisable to put up with toxicity

Toxic energy is inconsistent, often vacillate and extremely draining causing others to have low vibrations and feeling down.

It is essential to separate yourself from people who toxify your life with their toxic vibrations to help safeguard your mental health. Toxic people emit toxic energy, their words are like an arrow that Pierces the heart, being close to such people and engaging in regular and intense discussion with them can literally sap you of your energy. Their energy, words and actions are completely toxic and unbearable and can throw anyone off balance. They often use their toxic words to control others. They are highly judgemental and in the habit of condemning and shaming others. Their behaviour is always calculated to make other people vulnerable and to also doubt their worth. They are inauthentic and therefore derive their sense of value from external sources, our sense of value comes from our natural selves their own sense of value comes from external  sources, they need some kind of attachment to be valued. They create situations that cause all kinds of damage. They seek to be prioritised while violating other people’s boundaries and breaking rules, causing you to go against your values and fundamental principles, they make you break your own rules to please them.

Their words and reaction to issues make those close to them to second guess their own worth, they make you question your worth, and begin to redefine your essence in your own mind. They tend to recalibrate your self-esteem to a level where they can control you.

General habits of toxic people

They are critical about everything, sometimes, they criticise with a smile designed to break you down to see yourself less. They also spend a large amount of time and energy monitoring the lives of the people close to them and constantly seeking approval and validation.

They are always picking on others and want to dictate how others should be, act and behave, nothing is ever right if it doesn’t come from or emerged through them. They project their insecurities through wanting to prove that their own ideas are the best. They like to compare, and often engage in unhealthy competition with friends and others with a deep  obsession for class. They tend to control others to not believe in themselves and in who they are making them to walk on eggshells believing they are not good enough if they can not meet up the fake lifestyle they have created for them, the reason people and particularly women are hugely dependent on external attachments and emptiness to fill the void of not good enough.

They discourage people from being themselves to take up and promote the fake fragile identity and give up their true authentic self so they can be like them in order for them to feel good and comfortable about themselves.

Unfortunately, they never ever feel it no matter how hard they try even when they are constantly reminded how incredible they are, they remain insatiable, always desiring and wanting, deceiving others and creating the impression that it’s the best life, this is how they control others to remain dependent on surgeries to augment their bodies for approval and recognition without realising that they are being controlled by these toxic critical people walking around masked and pretending to be normal not realising that they are perfectly good enough in their perceived imperfect and worthy of all.

How to whittle their toxic brainwash

Prioritise your own virtues, respect, honour, worthiness, purity, goodness and sexuality with dignity.

Pay less attention to their projections. Don’t give in to their make believe and falsehood. It is important to ignore them sometimes and be yourself. Don’t let them into coarse you into believing and surrendering to their inauthentic lifestyle.

It is perfectly normal to ghost them if their behaviour starts to grieve your spirit, making you miserable.

Establish firm boundaries with them to avoid their drama in order to maintain your mental health.

Have your own non-negotiable limits. Manage your virtues intentionally, don’t be carried away by the desperation to be like everyone else and jump into the social absurdity.

 

 

Abuse does not only occurs in man and wife relationships or partners, there is also child abuse which is often inflicted on children by adults.

 

What is an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationship is an unhealthy relationship which involves different types of abusive behaviour and coercion by one person, in order to gain power and exert control over the other. Abuse in a relationship could be psychological, physical, emotional, financial, verbal and sexual.

Characteristics of an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships are often characterized by Domestic violence, threats, intimidation, humiliation and isolation.

Generally, abusive relationship are often toxic and involves violence. One or both partners are usually controlling, one partner wanting to control and dominate the other, the controlling partner tend to command and orders the other around, chose their friends for them and restrict their movements. They tend to be jealous and obsessed with them.

The abusive partner has dysfunctional behaviour, always in the habit of criticizing, shaming and blaming the other. They are never pleased, they tend to put down the other partner with the kind of words they say.

They demand for sex all the time and forcing their partner to accept unhealthy sexual habits, seeking constant attention which deprives the other person the time to take care of his or her own needs.

This also includes, when one partner gives the other silent treatment or threatens to end the relationship until he gets what he wants, withholding sex, intentionally starting argument and causing drama to provoke the other, raging and gaslighting the other person.

 

How to know if you are in abusive relationship

If you feel fearful and afraid for your life, you may be in abusive relationship.

Do you feel undeserving and blaming yourself for unfilled expectations? You may be in abusive relationship.

Do you feel isolated and world wary, are you doing everything possible to please a person but their reaction leaves you feeling confused and frustrated?

Are you feeling drained, sad and exhausted in the relationship yet the thought of leaving terrifies you?

Verbal abuse -Does your partner or parents name call and yell at you, make threats, belittle and blame you?

Physical abuse- Are you being hit with  objects, punched or kicked, choked or strangulated?

Sexual abuse- Are you being raped, shaming with demeaning sexual remarks, incest?

What to do to heal from Abusive relationship

1. Leave the abusive situation. Leaving gives you the opportunity to claim your power back. You can remain a victim or choose not to, the choice is yours.

2. Reframe from making anyone wrong and don’t beat yourself up or anyone else because in every unpleasant situation, there is an opportunity for growth. Then you have got to ask yourself why you attracted that person in the first place, what are you to learn from that experience? Allow everyone to grow and evolve, learn the lesson and move on.

3. Think of anything that you are dealing with in your life at the moment, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and accept the situation, be compassionate and loving to yourself, feel whatever comes through and let it go. Forgive and make a commitment to yourself never to disappoint yourself and put yourself in such a mess again.

Cease from carrying the sorry forward in disempowering way.

Abusive relationships can be challenging and quite difficult to manage or sustained, they always leave the parties with a shroud of hate even after separation, it is important to stay away from such relationships as quickly as possible to safeguard your mental health, they are dysfunctional and often take a toll not only on your mental health but also emotional, physical and psychological health. These kinds of relationships are unpredictable, death could easily occur given it prevalence to violence, moving away and healing is essential for whoever find his or herself in such a situation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is an action

Action is something we carry out, what we do on our own volition as individuals and this includes the decisions and choices we make in our daily lives which also affect us individually and collectively, immediately and in a long term.

The Third Law of Motion states that ” For Every Action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” The reaction constituting a consequence of the action.

Any action a person takes, is always going to create an outcome resulting from that action. This science principle cut across all areas of life and in spirituality giving credence to the laws of the universe.

“Whatever we sow is what we reap” and the Law of gravity, “What goes up, comes down”.

Whatever vibration we send to the universe is what we attract. ” Likes attract likes”. What a person ruminates with vibrationally attracts, what we give out comes back to us.

All these goes to say that as we think so we are and what we give out we receive because our actions are constantly being rewarded good or bad.

Consequences

Consequences are results or outcomes of our own actions and choices. Every action has a consequence and every choice has a corresponding consequence. Our decisions and choices create and produces outcomes which may impact others positively or causes infringement or a negative impact.

The duality of the universe creates two opposing polarities of which one is action and the other consequence.

We are consistently reaping the rewards of our doings and if we understand this it becomes necessary for us to begin to guide our actions and pay attention and be mindful of the things we do.

How does our actions affect others

Our actions affect other people in different ways. Even though people often suffer the consequences of our hurtful actions, whatever, pleasant and unpleasant situations and circumstances we cause others to experience, we actually embody it, if our creations gives them favourable outcomes, we are enormously rewarded and if such creations cause them suffering and pain, we are also rewarded but this reward often manifest in form of punishment to complement the action.

Do we bear the consequences of our actions?

Often times people make terrible choices but tend to avoid the consequences of their creation, they don’t remember or probably not aware that all choices have their consequences, some may have immediate consequences and others may be in future and when later in life they start to show up, instead of the people involved to find reasonable ways and approach to deal with and resolve them, the rather begin to take it on other people, create more problems and blame others for their own actions and the situations they have created. This however, does not only happen to individuals, it is common with people who are leaders taking decisions in different capacities that binds their followers.

It is important that people generally, irrespective of their position exercise caution and be thoughtful in their individual and collective choices and be aware of what they are creating just in case the later consequences are grave and appalling, they will be able to navigate them.

How does duality affect our choices

Everything in existence has its opposite. Just as we experience the good, we also experience the bad. We have the light and the dark. The strong and the weak, the same way our actions are expected to produce intended results according to our creations.

 

 

What exactly is the basic need of women

Continue reading “What Do Women Want?”

There are two types of empathy.

 

Positive Emotional Empathy

Positive or Emotional empty is an emotional reaction to the pain of another. This occurs when one person is hurting and another takes on the energy of that person, in other words, feels the pain of the person and develop an emotional reaction to it. It is feeling what others feel and internalizing.

Positive and Emotional empathy function this way; When an individual begin to randomly takes on the energy of others and internalize their experience, they don’t only imagine how they feel but have emotional reaction to something they could just empathize and move on. You take on the energy of other people because you feel what they are going through and this can cause them to develop a kind of sickness, some people go into depression due to this emotional reaction they have for other people’s troubles.

It’s something to feel, empathize and encourage but it’s not something to internalize and it becomes your problem.

In Positive Emotional Empathy we develop and grow in our relationship skills, here we just don’t get caught up by our emotions, we process the emotion as we are feeling it, we don’t allow it to register in our brains.

This is where you love a person, feel for them but make them participate in their own outcome. You teach them to tap their own resources.

Positive Emotional Empathy is when you feel for a person and you have an intelligent response that helps them to help themselves for example, ‘ I understand you… I feel you… But I am not going to take your energy into me and go there with you, that is not going to help me nor help you either, it’s not my issue it’s your problem, I am not going to deplete myself to get you out of whatever it is you are in. I am going to feel, love you enough to show you how to meet your own needs.

In Positive emotional empathy you don’t become an enabler of bad behaviour but you simply have a cognitive response to what is going, you are not going to use emotional response here, either “I cry because you are crying” Because it’s not going to help any of us but I am going to help you make an intelligent choice that could change your life. In John 5:2-9 ‘Jesus had a cognitive and spiritual response to the man at the pool.’ He didn’t help or touched him but he showed him how to get well.

In Positive emotional empathy, you love with boundaries. Here you do not have to deplete yourself of what God has given you, what you have worked for or set yourself backward to fix another.

It means you are going to love that person enough to tell them the truth, if they accept it fine and if they don’t is left to them because you are not going to allow them to infringe into your life as we all have the responsibility to do certain things for ourselves. And you are going to still love them where they are with boundaries.

It is important that know that this boundary can also be applied to even your growing children as well as your close relations. It is improper to spend your entire life trying to fix and manage someone else, they trouble and crisis they create you are always in the middle of it working hard to fix people who are not even trying to fix anything for themselves, they create problems for themselves because they know you are going to be there to fix it.

Stop being a fixer, if they create  problems, how is it that their problems automatically become yours? That’s not healthy. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 13:19 “Life is choice driven”.

I have to love you enough to let you live by the consequences of your own choices.

If you choose to live your life on the lowest level I am going to love you enough to let you do that insofar as you are alright with it and I am going to love me enough to be fine with that. There are people in our lives that we want more for them than they want for themselves. “Life and death, blessing and curse choose”

Loving you does not require that I put myself on hold or does it require that I allow you to ruin the atmosphere around my life.

 

 

Draining Emotional Empathy.

Draining Emotional Empathy occurs when internalize emotional reaction of someone else’s situation begin to take a toll in your life, causing a problem and other issues which starts to manifest in form of sickness such depression, heart attack, stroke, or panic attack, some people bring other people’s heaviness, negative energy back home and it begins to affect the entire family because of this emotional empathic reaction to someone else’s experience.

This often happens when we are not mature enough to know how to process it or what to do with it and so it becomes unhealthy for us.

We must understand that energy spirit are transferrable and if we are immature and undeveloped to relate in ways that we will not be negatively impacted, we begin to suffer from other people’s stuff which are not supposed to be our business because people with deeply empathetic nature find themselves taking on other people’s issues and making them theirs.

However, there is a better way of empathizing and helping out, acting in this matter can give energy vampires who intentionally drains others a leeway to get their needs met through your supply of sad and negative emotions.

Emotional Empathy also cause people to long for people who abuse them. Sometimes we fail to realize that not all stories we hear are actually true, when people share their story with us depending on the nature of the story and instead of us to perceive the person as either a narcissist, psychopath or sociopath, we start to connect with their energy and the energy of their story, you begin to feel for the person to the point where you no longer feel what you should feel for you, at that moment you start to believe you can change them. The reality is that you are setting yourself up for abuse.

Some people have permanently taken the codependent role due to emotional Empathy, they deplete themselves by curing other people’s pain and become broken because they love and find a sense of fulfilment in meeting some other people’s needs and build the identity of being the saviour of the day, so you deprive yourself to solve another person’s crisis.

This is where most people get stuck in life finding their sense of purpose and value in meeting other people’s needs, they come back home their own needs are not met because no one is there to meet them but they are constantly giving to people who suppose to take care of their own needs, like what plays in families.

Well, the churches teaches that it is the Christian thing to do, but you end up having users who step into your life and narcissists who are there to take advantage of your Christlike empathy who have no corresponding rules, even the Bible says in 2nd Thessalonians 3:10 “He who does not work let him not eat.”

Codependency is a behaviour condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, immaturity, irresponsibility or underachievement.

Among the core characteristics of codependency is the excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity, sometimes rescuing broken people can become your dysfunctional identity, you begin to create codependent relationships which always often start with Emotional Empathy.

The codependent needs to give everything to a toxic person to fill fulfilled and when they do that still wonder why they feel fulfilled and at the same time a sense of lack and the flip side of that coin is the narcissist who has taken everything from the person to fill fulfilled.

Many narcissists are seeking out toxic empaths who become overwhelmed with what they feel towards the narcissists, a toxic empath results from emotional empathy and becomes a codependent.

 

Often times people get stuck in unhealthy love patterns believing it to be true love not realizing that they are merely attached to the person and there’s really no true love between them.

 

What is unhealthy Love

Unhealthy Love consist of patterns of dysfunctional toxic behaviour which a person exhibit in a supposed love relationship.

It is essential to understand that people who are emotionally damaged can not offer love until they undergo a process of healing, to unlearn and relearn how to remove the emotional baggage they are carrying with them and also heal from the traumatic experience that broke them.

What makes love unhealthy

Love is unhealthy when one person wants to always control the life of the other in everything without boundaries.

There are those who are emotionally immature as a result of their upbringing. These people are people who were over indulged by their parents, and given a false sense of superiority in which they become unnecessarily overbearing, controlling, toxic and narcissistic. And others who were not listened to and given attention at their early formative years, their parents erode their confidence and self-worth through abuse and mistreatment, growing up not knowing what love feels like because they were not given love, therefore, they are unable to offer and receive love, they are unfulfilled and always finding people to love them because they feel a void of emptiness within them. They however, prey on people and never taking responsibility but wanting and forcing people to love and respect them by controlling and gaslighting them, their actions are intensely hurtful, some of these people are utterly bitter and angry and they project their anger and bitterness to the people in their lives to destroy their sense of value through emotional abuse and they violate people’ boundaries as they were not taught empathy and compassion, they are familiar with the toxic and narcissistic lifestyle they grow up in.

And the other people who were raised by parents who only find value in serving the needs of others, these people find fulfillment in helping others, they take on the codependent role where they feel validated when approved by  others and often being used in all their relationships because they always compromise and don’t know how to say no to things that are unhealthy to them due to their inability to set healthy boundaries.

Well, it can be said that one way or another, or to a certain degree, we all needs healing, we have to generally heal from the conditioned pattern of the society that creates pain, trauma and other emotional sicknesses people suffers.

However, in order to stop recycling our love relationships painful experiences, we must have to start recognizing unhealthy love patterns. If loving someone else is depleting or hurting you as an individual, you have to consciously begin to pay more attention to these unhealthy love patterns, be intentional and sensitive to this to prevent yourself from being hurt many times and from abuse generally.

What are signs of unhealthy love.

• Emotional manipulation and Control
•  Physical, psychological and emotional abuse.
• Gaslighting.

When you love, you feel what they feel. When love has no boundary or rules it becomes toxic for you as well as for them. Love should never hurt. There is no fear in love as perfect love cast out fear but you become afraid to let go when you are attached to the person and there is no love. Partners are often competitive and flexes their ego in attachment relationship.

What are the signs of love

• Mutual respect and honouring
• Affection and vulnerability
• Empathy and authenticity

 

When love is involved, there is vulnerability and authenticity, you are yourself, compassionate, empathetic and forgiving. Love survives the passage of time. People always have a place in their hearts for those that they love even when they are no longer together and always wish them well. Love is freedom, but the party who is not in love becomes controlling but remain acting under the pretence of love unleashing control. Love should not involve torment, but many are tormented because of love, many are under depression due to the love they have for their children, lovers and others because it is an unhealthy love, not developed, mature and based on God or principles because the driving force of love is empathy, if I say I love you, I feel whatever you are going through that is a natural way of love and now the onus is on me to know what to do with the feelings of love I have for you.