People who suffered neglect as children share these traits

Everyone of us has our own childhood stories to share to the world if given the opportunity.

Some of these stories are fascinating and some are unfortunately sad, but they are all stories that form part of our life experiences.

When we reminisce about our early years, wrestling with the idea that perhaps the emotional and physical absence we experienced was not simply a figment of our imagination, but an actual issue we had to deal with.

If you truly suffered neglect as a child, these tips will deeply resonate with you and you probably may have been exuding them without knowing it.

 

High sensitivity to rejection.

All beings have a desire to be accepted, approved of and have a social connection because we’re social beings by nature. But for those of us who found ourselves lonely in our formative years, developed a heightened sensitivity to rejection and whenever that mirror of rejection is being reflected back to us, it triggers something in us that takes us back to our childhood and magnify the internalised fear of rejection within us.

As adults, if we haven’t gone through the process of healing, we begin to manifest excessive fear of being rejected in our relationships and express an extreme reaction to those who mirror that to us. We tend to overanalyze interactions and perceive criticism even where there isn’t any.

Difficulty in expressing emotions.

This is one of the most difficult traits to understand if you suffer rejection in your most vulnerable years as a child. This may become a serious issue. We may have learned to suppress our feelings as a surviving mechanism, making it difficult for us to understand and articulate our emotions in adulthood.

This can make us struggle with emotional intimacy, keeping our feelings locked behind an impenetrable wall. If you find it difficult to communicate your feelings and understanding the feelings of others around you, it could be a sign that you are still struggling with the effect of childhood neglect.

Excessive desire to take care of others.

People who were rejected during childhood develop the need to care for others in order to be deserving and accepted by them. They tend to overcompensate for the care and attention they were denied as children by becoming overly attentive to the needs of others.

These are the people that often get trapped in unhealthy relationships, they are constantly being taken advantage of because they consistently put the needs of others before their own, sometimes to their own detriment.

This compulsive desire to care for others stem from an unconscious need to fill the void they are carrying within them from their early childhood.

Lack of trust in your ability

When a person lack the attention of their care giver, emotional support and guidance, they internalised the belief that their thoughts and feelings are not to be considered, as a matter of fact, they are not important. This belief makes them to question their sense of judgement and abilities.

As they grow into adulthood, they begin to second-guess their thoughts and decisions, and start to doubt their capabilities and struggle with trust in their own judgement.

They may have people-pleasing behaviour and a constant fear of making mistakes and disappointing others. This fear of judgement and failure can make people to lose themselves and prevent them from pushing forward to realise their achievable goals.

Creating awareness and understanding the effects of childhood neglect

The environment a child grows in, forms the foundation of the person’s beliefs, children fundamentally become indoctrinated into the beliefs that plays in the environment, and that impact their perception about life and of themselves and their world view. Growing up, children absorb whatever they come in contact with within the environment, that is why they need guidance and attention. But when they don’t receive such guidance and are made to suffer neglect that experience sets a pedestal for how they determine their self esteem. They may subconsciously feel that the neglect maybe because they are unworthy, and undeserving, and when a child grows with these unhealthy beliefs into adulthood, it can create a distorted self-image, where they begin to perceive themselves as not good enough.

Struggling with self-worth and seeking approval.

Neglected children constantly seek validation from others in adulthood, bending over backwards to please people and prove their worth. They may find it difficult to say no even when it’s not convenient for them as they seek approval by serving others.

This neglect can also manifest itself in another way, they might find themselves pushing people away to protect themselves from being harm. These people may find it difficult to trust, and may view the world as unsafe, making it impossible to build meaningful connections.

However, it important to understand that all beings have the ability to overcome or undo whatever happened to them in the past and that’s why awareness and healing are essential, these are just clear signs that usually manifest when a person experienced rejection as a child, sometimes these signs are conscious and sometimes unconscious and they may be other ways in which some of these traits appear in others.

When we recognise them, it helps us to understand how these past experience might have shaped one’s behaviour and thoughts patterns.

Independence

When children are neglected growing up, they are left to depend on themselves for their physical, emotional and psychological needs. Learning to be independent is a positive trait in my opinion but if the independence is rooted or stem from a troubled past experience, it cannot be viewed as a positive trait as it can make the subject to believe that others cannot be trusted enough to rely on making them to become self-reliant.

In adulthood, these people often appear exceptionally independent, and always prefer to personally deal with situations on their own without seeking help from anyone even when it’s necessary but perceive it as a sign of weakness and sometimes not wanting to bother others or giving them a burden but rather result to finding a way to resolve it in isolation.

Simply misunderstood

Growing up with the feeling of neglect unavoidably set you up to embark on a healing process of embracing yourself fully. When one embark on a journey of self-love it’s a process of recalibrating yourself and undo all the negative beliefs and feelings of unworthiness that may have been internalised from the rejection experience and start to love and treat yourself right with the awareness that it’s not your fault but it’s an experience of life. When you become aware of this, it easy to forgive yourself for any short-comings, heal and begin to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the permission to feel without judgement and criticism. Understand that it’s okay to ask for help and put your needs first, this doesn’t mean you are selfish. It simply means you prioritise and value yourself. Let go of any belief that is not serving you and any unrealistic expectations and standards you may have set for yourself and that set by the society for you.

When people begin to realise who they authentically are and start to make adjustments accepting the fact that it’s okay to not be perfect and embrace who they are, others don’t seem to understand them anymore, they are often misunderstood, the reason being that they start to make new choices, setting healthy boundaries and surrounding themselves with people who uplift them and won’t violate their boundaries in order to safeguard their mental health.

Finally, having this kind of experience as a child can make you as an adult to settle for less and become trapped in patterns of dysfunctions and codependency. It’s important to be aware in order not to allow the past control your life, stop people pleasing behaviour and learn to say no, avoid toxic and destructive patterns, promise yourself not to allow the opinions of others about you rule how you show up in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW TO RESPOND TO MANIPULATION

Manipulation sometimes guised as care and if you have no idea how manipulators use their tactics to brainwash and use or take away your valuables you will feel betrayed, used and dumped for the rest of your life.

In this article you are going to learn seven effective ways to respond to their deceptive tricks to beat them at their mind game

 

Manipulation can really keep us in a roller coaster of emotions, feeling confused for as long as possible, if we don’t know what we are dealing with. Manipulators can be annoying because they often come up with different tricks at different times to mess with our minds, but once you learn these tricks you can dare them a blow and beat them at their own game.

Be firm and stand your ground.

Manipulators are good at making you doubt yourself so that you can begin to question your sense of reasoning. They play mind games with you to mess with your thinking, dealing with them is not as easy as you may think. They are going to push your buttons, test your boundaries and try to shake your resolve.

But one thing is sure, you are stronger and wiser than their tricks. Don’t let their triggers make you think less of yourself or lower your self esteem, hold firm to your values and beliefs. No one has the right to dictate how another should live.  You have every right to assert yourself and defend your boundaries. If they try to shame or guilt you over your decisions and lifestyle, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. If they attempt to play the victim, stand your ground.

You can agree with me that it’s not easy to stand the draining of a manipulator but trust me, standing up to a manipulator in a non reactive way but in a direct responsive manner to their tactics is a way of shattering their beliefs about themselves.

Never neglect your gut feeling.

Trusting your intuition can signal to you  when something is not right. When you are dealing with a manipulator, there’s always this gut feeling, that’s your intuition trying to communicate to you that something is off, it could be that they are not who they claim to be or that their compliments maybe fake and their words don’t match their actions. Trust those feelings, they are your emotional GPS, your spiritual antenna that helps you to descend, to separate reality from fiction.

Control your emotions

Manipulators are experts at toying with your emotions.

They are perfect at inciting you and evoking emotions of guilt and fear in order to sway your decisions in their favour. If you’re not aware of their games, they can easily pull you in these intense emotions and make you forget yourself and lose sight of what is really going on. The reason you should keep your emotions in check, don’t allow it to overwhelm you, so you don’t become reactive in your responses when dealing with such people because they will always trigger you to get you infuriated to lose your balance in order to gain power and control over you.

Calm down, take a step back, breathe in, and take a different perspective in viewing the situation.

When you don’t allow your emotions to cloud your sense of reasoning, you have whittle down one of the strongest tactics they use to weaponize their targets.

Set firm boundaries

One of the most effective strategies I have found in encountering manipulation is setting firm boundaries.

Remember that manipulators like to shame and guilt you when they are trying to have their way through something, giving the impression that their way is the best and if you are not familiar with their mode of operation you’ll get trapped in their game and start to seek validation and approval, it’s a way of having control over your thoughts. But having clear boundaries, meaning that you don’t give them the opportunity to interfere in your issues and even when they did uninvited, you are always ready to rise up and politely sound a direct note of warning, in a way to demonstrate that you don’t give anyone the permission to cross your boundaries. Having these boundaries in place, prevent manipulators and others from freely invading your space.

Study their manipulative tactics

Manipulators are skilled at psychological warfare. They know how to twist words, guilt, and explore your vulnerable and use it against you to achieve their aim. These people think they are smart, and sometimes we get so helpless when trapped in this paradigm and they will use us until we don’t longer think straight, at this point people may assume we are weak but they don’t understand that what we are dealing with is not just something simple but high skilled manipulation that requires psychological awareness to surmount.

Studying these tactics not only help you identify manipulation when it’s playing out but also equips you with the knowledge to effectively halt it whenever you find yourself in a situation that involves dealing with manipulators.

Learn to say no

Saying “no”doesn’t mean you are not a good person. It means you’re someone who doesn’t allow things that are not serving a purpose in your life, it means you are a strong individual who respects your own needs and rights.

Saying no without feeling guilty throw manipulators into confusion because they have this false belief that no one can say no to them.

They pretty much know how to pretend and make you believe they care so that when they make their heavy demands on you, it becomes difficult to say no, here is the thing, you have the right to say “no”. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions and they don’t have to like it. Learn to be assertive to avoid people exploiting and taking you for a ride.

Don’t put the blame on yourself

You are not to blame for their actions so don’t guilt yourself, you are not responsible for the way they chose to operate in the world. Don’t carry their wrongdoings on your shoulders. You deserve respect and kindness, not manipulation and deceit.

It’s important that you don’t give them permission to stay long in your space. Spending too much time with a manipulator can affect your mental health.

Maintain your sense of humour

Manipulators lack a sense of humour, they don’t know how to crack your ribs, they are obsessed with taking control of every situation. What they understand as humour is throwing a calculated insult and turning it into an annoying joke in an attempt to make you feel they didn’t mean it, meanwhile they said it to test your limits and to get on your nerves.

However, since we understand that manipulators dislike when their opinion is not valued and respected, why not throw a good laugh when they say something they think it’s important to end the discussion?.

Finally, if you find yourself with someone who always manipulate you to get what they want, you are not alone, we have been there, these tools helped us to navigate our lives and beat them at their mind games. Understand that you have the strength and resilience within you to help you surmount their manipulative behaviour.

Ensure that you establish firm boundaries and only allow those who respects your values and self worth into your space.

 

 

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

When a man loves a woman, he does not only say “I love you” And it ends there, there are subtle subliminal ways a man demonstrates the love he has for his woman without voicing it.

 

1. His actions matches his Words

2. His eyes are vulnerable when he’s with you

3. He respects and honours you.

4. Listens attentively to you

6. He cares about your feelings

8. He takes care of you

9. He supports you and encourages you to go for what you want.

10. He shares his dreams with you.

 

As much as love is a feeling, Love is  actionable, the reason we often get worried when we don’t physically experience what the actions of love looks like. Although it is a feeling, so that makes it something abstract and invisible but the expression of it is a potent physical action.

Action we say speak volumes than words and some of the male folks find it difficult to say “I Love You” that doesn’t mean they don’t show it, there are other ways they demonstrate it especially by the ways they act.

Genuine love is recognized even when they are non verbal clues. Guys have their own subtle ways of saying “I love you” without voicing it out loud, and if you are able to grab these signs you won’t push good guys who are full of love to give away.

His actions matches his words

Love isn’t just all about saying the words, but that this person is always there when you need him, even when it’s inconvenient for him, he’s willing to compromize and prioritize your happiness with consistent support. This may seem ordinary but trust me they are a huge way of showing how he feels about you. It doesn’t necessarily has to be a grand gesture of flamboyant display of affection in public but the little consistent things he does that makes you feel cared for, is his way of saying “I love you”. When people always do what they say they will do, they earn our trust and that make us see them as reliable. But when they say one thing and do another, they are inconsistent in dealing with you, just understand that they are probably there to play with your mind.

His eyes are vulnerable when he’s with you.

When someone loves you, there are times he will be with you without saying a word but his eyes are giving. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, there’s a particular look that a man gives you when he’s in love, that look is usually deep, intense and filled with affection.

Sometimes, it’s in those moments, through that silent exchange of looks you can feel his words of love for you more than ever. He didn’t have to say anything, his eyes said it all.

Pay attention to how your man looks at you. Just as you can feel genuine love from his eyes you can also pick clues of malicious intentions from his eyes. If his eyes light up when they meet yours, if they linger a little longer, or if he smiles faintly as if he’s privy to a secret only the two of you share; that’s him saying “I love you” without words.

He respects and honours you.

Respect is one of the obvious ways to know a man loves you. The way a woman relate to a man comes from the leading of the man. A man who wants to be honoured, will first demonstrate that to the woman he loves and the woman picks it up from there. A man  extends the honour he has for his mother to the woman he loves. Respect is a profound expression of love. When a man truly loves a woman, he respects her. He respects her values, feelings and choices.

A man who loves you will not try to change you or mold you into something else. Instead he cherishes you for who you are, with all your imperfections. Someone who loves you understands that love isn’t about finding the perfect person, but loving an imperfect person perfectly.

His respect for you manifest in the way he treats you- with kindness, patience and understanding.

If your man treats you with utmost respect, know that the love he has for you is profound and genuine, you are obligated to reciprocate the love to create a good balance.

He listens attentively to you

A man who loves you will care about what you say, he will be concerned about what you think, your dreams and your fears and worries. Communication is the basis of every relationship, your man will not only be present with you, but will also engaged mentally in a conversation with you, and will always remember the little details, and offer his five cent when you need it. A man who loves you will give you his attention because he values your opinions, it’s just another way of declaring his love for you.

He cares about your feelings.

How you feel in every situation matters a great deal. A man who loves you will never take a decision without consulting you to know what you think and how you feel concerning whatever action he intend to take, unless it’s a pleasant surprise which can be either something you have ever wished for. The love he has for you cannot allow him to intentionally take an action that is likely going to hurt your feelings because he understands that when you are hurting he will obviously feels hurt. He will seek your opinion before he starts anything important.

He takes care of you.

A man who loves you will naturally show a desire to care for you and he will do that in real time. A real man will feel obligated to take care of the woman he loves, now this does not mean that the woman cannot care for herself, it simply means that he cares about your well-being and wants to do what he can to contribute to it. This is just a natural gesture of love. Maybe he checks in on you when you are sick, prepares a meal for you, or ensures your comfort when you’re together. His actions are his way of showing that he cares for you deeply. His acts of caring might seem small and mundane, but they carry a lot of weight. They are his silent way of saying “I love you”. If your man goes out of his way to take care of you, know that it’s his unique way of expressing his love. Love comes with sharing, kindness and generosity.

He supports you and encourages you to go for what you want.

When a man loves a woman, he will always believe in her even when the woman does not believe in herself. He stands by her, cheering her on. He celebrates her achievements and encourages her to pursue her dreams.

His belief in you is just a way of showing his love and that support gives you the strength to face challenges and go after what you care about.

A man who loves you will be there rooting for you, get it, it’s a way of saying, come on girl, “I love you”.

He shares his dreams with you.

When a man loves a woman he will be excited to share the things that are important to him with her. When the love you share is authentic, you have nothing to fear. Anthropologist, H. Fisher once said “Love is not an emotion, it’s a drive”. It’s a driving force that compels us to think, act and express in myriad ways.

A guy who loves you will include you in his future plans and will be completely open to you to understand the life he envisioned with you. He will make you aware of the things he loves, things that excite him and makes him come alive, this act is a telling of how much he values your presence and want to share more of himself with you, his desires, wants and every moment with the one he loves.

Note that love is not all about repeatedly saying I love you without a physical action that actually proves it. True love comes with a sort of subtle responsibility, if you understand that you will realise that whenever you settle in a relationship, you will likely have little or no expectations. A man who loves a woman knows that he has a part to play to sustain the love and that start right from the beginning sending a message across that he’s responsible and deserving of her love, he’s going to be consistent and sharing himself with the one he loves.

However, people have different ways of showing love to the people that mean a lot to them, some men prefer to act secretly while others like to do it openly, well, there are other men who don’t know how to handle any of these either, but if you have a man who does these things to you, he’s silently demonstrating that he loves you deeply.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Healthy Tips To Live A Long And Happy Life

1. Healthy friendships

2. Movements and exercise

3. Sociable and romantic lifestyle

4. Do things you are passionate about

5. Gratitude

HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS

Establishing strong connections and healthy communication with other females keep you feeling deserving and grounded. People who make friends easily are never feeling lonely. When you connect with the right people who have a sense of humour, chatty, warm and funny, they will give you a reason to always laugh and feel happy in their company and if they also have a playful and childlike thoughts who are not hard and rigid on themselves and others, there will always be excitement and fun because it gives people the freedom to share their experiences and help one other through illness and grief, studies have shown that friendships aren’t just fun, they’re also good for your health, all of that however create a longer and fulfilling life.

MOVEMENTS AND EXERCISE

Starting from early morning stretches after waking up to exercises which includes squats working with light weights, even if it’s between twenty to thirty minutes every day does a lot to the body.

Daily movement helps us feel more youthful. Research has shown that regular exercise may slow down and prevent body cells from aging rapidly.

SOCIABLE AND ROMANTIC LIFESTYLE

Love yourself first and treat yourself right, that gives others an idea on how to treat you. Socialise with others showing love to them and receiving it. Most people want love but don’t know how to receive it, be open to socialising, loving and receiving love healthily.

No matter the situation you find yourself, if it isn’t pleasing and happy, don’t dwell in it, never give it power or allow it to dictate how you feel. Be it the end of a marriage or the loss of a husband don’t allow it to prevents you from finding happiness again, learn to accept things you have no control over, and always try new things, be open to new situations and ideas.

Romantic relationships can improve physical and mental health by lowering stress levels and preventing depression leading to a longer lifespan.

DOING THINGS YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT

Volunteering is one of the ways in which most people prefer to express their gifts, talents and passion. They get involve in charities. Find time to engage in your hobbies. You derive a sense of fulfillment when you do things you love regularly. Experts suggest that helping others and being kind can benefit your physical and mental health, it helps to improve mood, reduce stress and possibly increasing lifespan.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is one of the best habits of inducing happiness and increasing lifespan. Those who show gratitude for what they have always find themselves having more of that which they are grateful for and this also improve other areas of their lives they didn’t find fulfilling.

Science has proven that gratitude improves your overall well-being and gives you a sense of fulfillment leading to a longer lifespan.

However, it’s important to prioritise your happiness over other things. Keep a cheerful expression, laugh more and reminisce happy and exciting past moments. All these help your longevity.

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Is Your Life With a Vision and Purpose? If You Act This Way You Have no Vision and Purpose in Life.

 

1. Life without a Vision and purpose

2. What is needed to find your vision and purpose

3. Tips for finding vision and purpose.

Life without a vision and purpose

There is no human without a purpose in life. We are all given assignments to solve in this life but when we haven’t found that mission, we mierda, procrastinate, and engaging in fruitless ventures.

Finding your purpose early in life helps you go through life efficiently, better and more fulfilling.

When I recall the times I was still trying to figure out what my life purpose could be, l felt quite uneasy, lazy and incredibly disgruntled. This often happens generally to people who are yet to find their mission. You will go to work, come back and watch television for the rest of the time. You are sure to develop a few bad habits that will reflect a lack of purpose.

What is needed to find your vision and purpose.

Deep reflection. Avoid mindlessly scrolling through social networks for a whole day. It is actually easy to get lost in the endless scroll, checking updates of others.

Although, we understand that we can learn certain things on social media but spending excessive time on social media indicate a lack of direction. Watching others who have found what they can do with their lives and feeling excited about it without you seeking to know that which you can bring out to excite others and make yourself happy. Instead of immersing yourself on social networks you should consider pursuing what makes you happy, find your hobbies and connect with real-life friends elsewhere or travel and explore new opportunities.

Avoid procrastination, don’t put important tasks on hold. We all procrastinate sometimes, it is just a non productive habit that often time we allow to overwhelm us when we are lacking motivation and clear goals. But we can resolve this issue of procrastination to avoid setting aside what is important to us by simply breaking them into smaller and manageable steps, this will however, reduce the workload and make it seem less daunting to help us stay focus on achieving your goals. For example if you intend to start something on social media, first think of the content, understanding that your presence on any platform requires personal input, instead of opening a Facebook page or YouTube channel, break things down into small tasks, such as: write a script outline, find the locations, film, choose background music, edict the introduction and so on.

This is one of the ways you can trick your subconscious mind into doing these relatively easy tasks instead of holding it in your mind that there is so much to be done.

Putting aside your passions and interests- The most important things your should never neglect are the things you are genuinely passionate about and your family. Neglecting these two aspects of your life will make you feel empty and dissatisfied.

Instead of setting aside your passions, make out time to pursue them. Engaging in activities you love can ignite joy, happiness and purpose in your life. Merely thinking about the things you are passionate about can always help you survive the day especially if you are in a place you don’t like or doing a job you don’t love.

Failure to confront challenges we perceive as difficult- Remaining in your comfort zone and not wanting to try can be a natural anxiety of fear of the unknown. Everyone wants to be in a familiar situation and in control. However, this resistance to challenge the fear comes at the cost of personal and professional development.

When you resist challenges, you miss out on valuable opportunities for learning and growth, development often takes place when you push your boundaries, tackle new problems and navigate unfamiliar territories.

Each successful encounter with a challenge builds confidence and contribute to a more robust sense of self.

Complaining constantly without taking action – When we are in one place and always complaining without the desire to do something new we tend to create a cycle of negativity and stagnation. It’s common with us when things are not moving for us we start feeling frustrated but instead of us to address the underlying cause of our lack of growth, we stay stuck and complain.

Don’t only express your discontent, consider shifting your focus towards problem-solving, start by identifying the root causes of your concerns.

Staying glued to watching programs- We do this on a daily basis yet it can also hold us back even after we have found our life purpose. We understand that we are not complete without watching certain programs that put smiles on our faces but excessive binge-watching indicates a lack of balance, it’s important to incorporate activities that contribute to personal growth.

Paying too much attention to short term pleasures instead of focusing also on long term goals- How often do we consume much food that we find enjoyable even as we know they are not healthy for us? Sure we find them delicious but in the long run, we might regret not going for the healthy alternative.

Immediate gratification is tempting but prioritizing long-term goals leads to a more fulfilling life. Pursuing long-term goals is like investing in your future happiness.

Surrounding yourself with negative influences-  The people you spend most of your time with can significantly create an impact in your life either influencing you positively or negatively.

Connect with people who bring good vibes, uplift and inspire.

Not valuing our relationships and avoiding social interactions- Sometimes we prefer to be on our own when we feel that the lifestyles of the people around us don’t resonate with ours, some of us particularly myself feels it easy and it saves me trouble to stay away from social gatherings. However, building healthy connections might take some effort, it’s investing in happiness.

Tips for finding vision and purpose

Seek to find what truly matters to you. What activities that whenever you indulge in make you lose track of time and bring you a sense of fulfillment…

Think about what you are passionate about, consider your values and strengths.

Reflect on both positive and challenging experiences in your life, as they often give you clues about what deeply resonates with you.

Take note of situations and gatherings that tends to make you expressive and happy. Although finding your purpose is not something that only happens in a day, it comes with a continuous process of exploration and adaptation.

Be open to change, learn from your experiences and stay true to what feels authentic and meaningful to you and stay focused.

 

 

You Lack Confidence If You Act In This Manner

 

 

Have you ever felt like all your friends  seem super confident and you’re just trying to blend?

You’re not alone, we all feel that way sometimes.

 

But did you know that confidence is not only about how you feel inside yourself but also how others perceive you?

 

Sometimes, the way we behave create the impression that we are not confident.

 

1. What is confidence?

2. What are the signs of lack of confidence?

3. How do you differentiate a person with confidence from a person with lack of confidence?

 

What is confidence

Confidence is a positive emotion of trust and feeling secure in yourself and your abilities. Confidence is not about feeling superior to others, rather, it’s a quiet inner knowledge that you are capable.

However, a person may have confidence and still act in ways that could make them seem less confident.

Don’t worry though – knowing what these things are is the first step to changing them.

What are the signs of lack of confidence

 

1. You Apologize All The Time

In some parts of the world where parents have over-bearing influence over their children because of their cultural beliefs, children approach their parents in every situation that requires communication with an apology.

Well, to them it’s more like the easiest, other than that, saying sorry all the time, even when it’s not needed, can make you come across as less confident.

It might seem like you’re always feeling guilty or like you’re doing something wrong.

For instance, if you apologize every time you share your opinion or ask a question, it can give the impression that you’re not sure of yourself.

Well, it’s okay to apologize when you’ve made a mistake or wrong.

But if however, you’ve done nothing wrong, there’s no need to say sorry.

Standing your ground and knowing when to apologize and when not to is a key sign of confidence.

2. People who lack Confidence Constantly Avoid Eye Contact.

Whatever feeling or emotion is called for, your eyes actually send the message, people trust the message your eyes are sending than the words you say.

Our eyes can say a lot about us, and when we avoid eye contact, it often means we’re feeling unsure or nervous

When you’re talking to someone and you constantly look away or look down, it might seem like you’re not confident in what you’re saying.

The use of eye contact make the person listening to you tie right in with you while you speak.

Eye contact is important because it shows that you’re engaged in the conversation and that you’re listening to the other person.

It also shows that you’re comfortable with who you are and what you’re saying.

So the next time you’re in a conversation, try to maintain good eye contact.

This doesn’t mean staring without blinking, but rather keeping your gaze steady while still looking away naturally every now and then.

3. You’re Speaking Too Fast

Talking too fast can give the impression that you’re nervous or unsure of yourself.

It’s like your words are trying to keep up with your racing thoughts, and it can make it hard for people to follow what you’re saying.

This is a common phenomenon that happens to all of us including myself  when I first started public speaking, I’d get so nervous that my words would just tumble out in a rush.

I’d finish a 10-minute speech in 5 minutes, leaving my audience confused than excited.

Over time, I learned that it’s okay to slow down, take a breath, and speak at a natural pace.

Not only did it make me seem more confident, but it also made my words more impactful.

4. You Second-Guess Yourself

Confident people trust their instincts and decisions. If you’re always second guessing yourself, it can give the impression that you’re not very confident.

This doesn’t mean that confident people never have doubts, but they don’t let these doubts control their actions or decisions.

Second-guessing yourself can actually make your performance worse.

When we doubt our abilities, we tend to make more mistakes and are less creative.

So the next time you catch yourself second-guessing, take a step back and remind yourself of your abilities and past successes.

Trust your instincts and make a decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, it’s all part of the learning process.

5.  Those Without Confidence are People Pleasers

Being a people pleaser isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it shows that you’re considerate and care about others’ feelings.

However, if you’re constantly violating your rules and bending backwards to make others happy at the expense of your own needs and desires, it can come across as a lack of confidence.

It’s almost like you’re saying your needs don’t matter as much, or you’re scared of expressing what you really want and desire.

This can lead to feeling unfulfilled and even resentful in the long run.

It’s important to remember that your feelings and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being selfish or rude – it simply means respecting and valuing yourself. It’s okay to say no sometimes, and it’s okay to put yourself first.

This doesn’t mean you care any less about others, it just means you’re also caring for yourself – and that’s a sign of true confidence.

6. It’s Hard for You To Accept Compliments Gracefully

This is something most people actually struggled with.

Whenever someone would compliment you, Y’d brush it off or downplay it. Instead of a simple “thank you”, Y’d say something like “Oh, it’s nothing” or “I’m not that good”.

I myself, it took me a while to realize that not accepting compliments gracefully was actually a sign of low confidence.

Down playing compliments is like saying to people that their positive opinion of you was wrong or that you didn’t deserve the praise.

Learn to accept compliments graciously. When someone compliments you, just smile and say “thank you”

So remember, the next time someone gives you a compliment, don’t brush it off – accept it with grace and gratitude.

7. You’re  Always Comparing Yourself to Others

We all fall into the comparison trap sometimes. We see someone with a better job, a nicer car, a more “perfect” family, and we start to feel like we don’t measure up.

But here’s the raw truth: comparing ourselves to others is a one-way ticket to feeling inadequate and less confident.

No matter how successful or happy someone else may seem, remember that everyone has their own struggles and insecurities. They’re just not always visible.

I used to admire a particular family so much in the past. At some point I wished my family was like theirs, but when l learned about their struggles, it was then I took the saying! “Not all that glitters is gold” seriously. l learned to accept all I have with gratitude.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own progress and growth.

Celebrate your small wins and learn from your setbacks.

Your journey is unique to you and that’s what makes it special.

So stop looking over your shoulder and start appreciating the path in front of you!

8. You Are Afraid to Take Risks

Risk is a game of chance. Confident people aren’t afraid to take risks.

They understand that failure is a part of life and that it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all.

On the other hand, if you’re always playing it safe and avoiding any kind of risk, it can make you seem less confident.

So, don’t shy away from taking risks. Whether it’s making a bold career move, trying a new hobby, or simply speaking up in a meeting – don’t let fear of failure hold you back.

Remember, it’s through taking risks that we grow and learn the most.

9. You’re Always on the Defensive

This is the problem of most of us. I used to exhibit this behaviour a lot, especially when I was younger.

Whenever someone would disagree with me or offer constructive criticism, I’d automatically get defensive.

I’d try to justify my actions or argue, instead of taking a moment to consider their point of view.

What I didn’t realize back then was that being defensive was actually a sign of low confidence.

Doing that means you are so insecure about your ideas or actions and any form of criticism would feel like a personal attack.

Learned to be more open to feedback.

When someone disagrees with you, try to understand their perspective instead of instinctively defending yours.

If they have a valid point, acknowledge it. If not, respectfully explain your viewpoint to them, life is about perspectives.

Confident people aren’t afraid of criticism or disagreement – they see it as an opportunity for growth and learning.

10. You Avoid Taking Care of Yourself yet get resentful and jealous when you meet those who care about their looks.

This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s the honest truth: if you’re not taking care of yourself, it can come across as a lack of confidence.

Whether it’s neglecting your physical health, ignoring your mental wellbeing, or just not taking time for self-care, these all send a message that you don’t value yourself enough.

Let’s be sincere; You can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you’re always putting others first and neglecting your own needs, it’s going to take a toll on your confidence.

Don’t ignore, make self-care a priority. Eat well, exercise regularly, take breaks when you need them. Your body and mind will thank you, and so will your confidence levels.

11. Lack of confidence can make you not to speak up when it’s necessary.

Do you know that there’s something incredibly liberating about speaking your mind and standing up for what you believe in? But if you’re always silent, always holding back, it can make you seem less confident.

Sure we’ve all been in situations where we’ve bitten our tongue and later wished we’d spoken up. And the regret that comes with it can be a major blow to our self-confidence.

So when you feel like speaking up – do it! Yes, it might be scary and yes, not everyone might agree with you.

Don’t forget, your voice matters. Your opinions are valid. And speaking up is one surefire way to show yourself and the world that you’re confident in who you are and what you believe in!

 

3. How to differentiate a person with confidence from a person without confidence.

All we have listed above are what constitutes lack of confidence.

Now let me add a few words to show how people with confidence feel like.

1. Confident people are positive and enthusiastic.

2. They are ever ready to unlearn and relearn.

3. They seek for more knowledge, and continue training themselves and practice more.

4. They accept their body and mind (Self esteem) and believe in their abilities and skills.

Learn to believe in yourself, you are enough. It’s never too late to fix what lowers your confidence and be the best you can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you letting your ego stuck you in illusions?

Man feel from a state of grace and oneness to illusions after realising the truth about his own nature and trying to unconsciously live in denial about who he truly is and was taken over by powerful instinctual drives and revert back to total unconsciousness.

The mind of man from the beginning of time is polluted with negativity. The Bible says, God regretted to have created man after he realised how filthy and negative the thoughts of man were.

This negativity created impermenance, limitation and death, and only in these symbols we perceive as the illusory creation of the mind, the splendour of our essential and immortal reality is concealed.

The ego dwell in illusions. It lives in denial and avoid the truth. It cannot access the body to seek truth. And the truth can only be found within the body. The body is the misperception of your essential reality that is beyond birth and death and is due to the limitations of the mind, which having lost touch with being, creator and it true self creates the body as evidence of its illusory belief in separation and to justify its state of fear. Do not deny yourself access to your own body because fighting against your body is rebelling against your reality and your truth. The physical body you see touch and feel is only a thin illusory veil, underneath it lies the invisible inner body, the doorway into the absolute creator, into life yet to manifest through the inner body. Through the inner body you are forever one with God. A state of permanent connectedness with your inner body is oneness with the Creator.

The more Consciousness you direct into the inner body, the higher its vibrational frequency. At this higher energy level, negativity cannot affect you anymore and you become a magnet of attraction to new circumstances that reflect this higher frequency.

The conditioning of your mind will dictate your thinking and your behaviour. Your conditioned reaction is automatic and predictable and it is fuelled by the one basic emotion that underlines the ego identified state of awareness which is fear. Fear is a conditioned mental/emotional reaction that can arise at any point in time and take you over, the ego is also fear base. It’s important to pay attention to the emotion you feel in your body as we seek to transform ourselves. Fear with other emotions of similar frequency that have joined together can give rise to pain in your body and can create trauma that can live inside you for years and continue to feed on your energy and lead to physical illness that can make your life miserable.

It’s essential to check and ensure that your mind is not holding onto a grievance pattern such as blame, self-pity or resentment that is feeding the emotion, when your mind refuse to accept forgiveness and non acceptance or letting go. The mind’s refusal to accept what is, accept uncertainty than holding on to unforgiveness, forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life. Even though holding a grievance serves no purpose except to strengthen a false sense of self, the ego mind cannot accept it. The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind. Non-forgiveness is the nature of the mind because the ego can not survive without strife, conflict and drama. Remember that the ego needs problems, conflicts and enemies to strengthen the sense of separateness on which its identity depends.

The true identity of the human ego mind is in its ability to engage in argument, control, manipulate, possess the whole world as nothing is ever enough, hate, fight, unleash violence, compete, judge, blame, condemn, attack, exercise power, greed, defend, rigid and aggressiveness. It perceive itself as separate fragment in the toxic world with no real connection to the creator and it’s surrounded by other egos around which it either sees as a potential threat or which it will attempt to use for its own ends. Ego patterns are designed to combat it own deep seated fear and sense of lack.

The only way to become the true servant of the creator and embrace your authentic self is to disidentify with socially conditioned pattern of thought and behaviour, this will help you to go beyond the ego mind, what that means is to surrender, become non-judgemental, open-minded, allowing things to unfold and accept whatever comes, trusting in the best to come than resisting, hold all things in loving embrace of your knowing.

All the suffering we undergo in this world is ego created because of resistance. Although the strategies of the ego are extremely clever, yet they never truly solve any problems for the ego because the ego itself is the problem.

Unhealthy Reactivity: A Problem that needs attention

 

 

What is unhealthy reactivity

Unhealthy reactivity is the ability of a person to handle or offer a healthy response to a matter or a situation that requires a subtle approach. We understand that people react differently and in different situations. We are social beings who enjoys relationships, partake in our interests and express our emotions.

We all love tranquility and equinimity. We relish situations where we are approached with a sense of calmness and subtle form of reaction even in extreme difficult circumstances.

Unfortunately, there are people whose  reaction to every situation is completely damaging to the wellbeing of others around them including themselves.

Although this intense negative and aggressive reaction to issues could result in most cases childhood trauma from abuse. Those who suffers childhood abuse and also people raised in unhealthy or dysfunctional environment, due to the pain they suffer can become erratic in their behaviour. People suffering addiction as a result of frustration and unfulfillment or unmet needs tend to adopt unhealthy reactivity as a coping strategy to suit their emotional needs, which however add another layer of problem to their existing negative emotional issues.

Causes of negative reactivity

Negative reactivity could be as a result of our extreme identification with the mental mind. Emotion is the body’s reaction to your mind. There is the false mind which is the ego mind, and the true mind which is your authentic self. The false mind identifies strongly and connects deeply with the “ego” while the true mind identifies with the “heart” What message does the ego mind send to the body?… Danger. For example, “I am under threat”. And what is the emotion?… Fear!  Remember that there are different types of fear, there is fear of loss, failure, fear of being hurt etc. All fear is the ego’s fear of death, annihilation, to the ego, death is just around the corner. When you identify intensely with your ego mind, fear of death affects every area of your life. If you identify with a mental position,  mind-based sense of self is seriously threatened with annihilation, to be wrong is to die if you easily identify with the ego. Embracing the ego mind is to toughen up to fight all threatening situations because the ego mind dwell in fear leading to all forms of unhealthy reactions to defend and protect it fragile fearful identity. The negative reactivity result from threat and fear of a lose, which can be lose of anything. The ego mind is forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious, it needs to be right. It is an illusory identity, an image in your mind, a fictious entity. By making this pattern conscious you disidentify from them.

 

How to overcome unhealthy reactivity

Tunning in to your authentic self would give you the opportunity to react with equinimity instead of reacting in an unhealthy manner. The true self is not protective of anything, it sees itself as whole and complete. It’s never in competition with anyone, it is fully grounded with a high sense of worth and always allowing things to happen naturally. When you are yourself, you are not afraid and don’t live in fear of anything or defending things that are not worthy in order to protect yourself against vulnerability or prove yourself to others. It is okay to be vulnerable, it is okay to allow things to happen and okay to release resistance and allow the flow of things and events to unfold. If you result to living this way, no unhealthy emotion can control you.

If you train yourself to live and show up in this true version of yourself, you naturally become calm and able to deal with unhealthy reaction and that help to build trust.

Well, people often defend this unhealthy reactivity with claims of people are different and so perceive this form of negative reactivity as normal. However, people who react in this manner actually need help, the fact that some people tend to defend it does not make it in any way healthy and acceptable, insofar as no one enjoys it even the perpetrators who exhibit this irrational approach of responding to people are totally against it, in fact they are even the first to aggressively attack people who approaches them in such matter.

 

 

 

 

Your perspective in life influences the dynamics of your creativity

A change in perspective in one aspect can influence change in other areas of life, the reason it is important to give consideration to others opinions and view things from the lens in which they understand life.

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Change your focus about certain emotional torture.

They are things and people that enter into our lives and force change, this change could be positive and it can also be a terrible negative change, they come into our space do things that tend to change us completely and sometimes we barely recognise ourselves when acting in such situations.

However, the experience sometimes can be pleasant and other times disheartening. We may suffer excruciating pain from the actions of these people leaving us with very painful experiences that we wish we could change and sometimes cause us to indulge in unproductive ventures, imbibe bad habits and destructive patterns and behaviour.

Most people carry on this way for the rest of their lives not realising that they can find peace within them if they dare to accept the reality of the situation and change how they view it and relate with the experience. We understand that it’s something you never wanted to be associated with and it can be really devastating, it can cause you to be ashamed of yourself and drag down your self-worth leaving you agonising for months, you may feel either being taken advantage of, violated, betrayed and disgusted but the best you can do to yourself is first forgive yourself, forgive the situation and change how you see it for your own happiness. Though it may seem difficult but if you change your focus you can do it, it becomes easy.

Focus on the good and release negativity in any situation

If we learn to view anything that we come across as a result of either a good or bad choice from ourselves or others the better we are able to deal and cope with life situations. If we understand cause and effect we would realise that things don’t just happen, all experiences are as a result of our present or past choices because our thoughts and actions are always creating scenarios and outcomes that we experience now or in time to come.

Life is all about experiences and this would continue until we exit this space therefore to keep our peace, we have to find a new way of dealing and relating with life encounters. It is imperative to start treating life events like leave notes where you flip sheet, this will help you begin to see life as a dream that it really is on a deeper level, in order to take it less serious because that is what it actually requires, to go with the flow to maintain your mental health.

Focus on what inspires you and make you happy and release all negativity and judgement of yourself and others.

 

Transfer problems and sad experience into objects and dispose them.

Transfer problems and sad feelings into objects and throw them away in the river or ocean as a sign of release. There is a growing sense of peace inside if you can transmute any traumatizing situation before you and change the way you perceive things and rather find the good that is related to it and embrace it.

Situations are always neutral and often a consequence resulting from a past action or choice. Our response to any circumstance either grow and extend it or crumble and diminish it. If there is this shift in focus, you would feel the courage and certainty that you can handle anything, this is actually a spiritual certainty and you can make it a reality in your life because we are created to handle any and every situation that cross around our paths.

If you stop living in denial and be honest and real and also relinquish all destructive patterns of behaviour and take responsibility for what you have participated in creating, you can honour and celebrate yourself for shifting those patterns, be honest with other people about your life, you don’t have to hide who you are and what you have been through, you can tell others your truth without fear because you realise that others opinions of you doesn’t defined who you are. Stand in that powerful humble place and show the world who you are. Some people spent years engaging in self-destructive patterns, loving for love sake because they felt there was no possible way to ignore certain things that aren’t serving them. Respect yourself enough to cause someone to treat you with dignity, some hid behind the belief that they had to give all that they had to buy love and soon after the relationship bagan to fizzle, they felt angry, hurt, rejected and stupid and the worst of it all, they felt abandoned. They felt their sense of dignity being restored after embracing the goodness that can emerge from even the toughest situation after changing their perspectives, this can open you up to a completely different loving situation, your life takes on in a larger dimension, we can direct our lives the way we want. We don’t have to lie to anyone, it is important to face the reality no matter how unpleasant it can be. True honesty includes compassion, people are afraid of being judged, it helps to accept, acknowledge and own the patterns and find a way to shift, honour and celebrate yourself for realising. The results of our past action may be staring us in the face and we would be forced to deal it, perhaps your need for validation caused you to lower your standards hoping it will be your ticket for loved. You could have hid behind the believe that you could change people or inspire them to clean up the mess but realised it wasn’t the ideal situation and became ridden with guilt and shame, you couldn’t show up with unbridle love and enthusiasm. This realization has the capacity to show you a different loving perspective.

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